Hello.
It’s a pleasure to meet you.
What brought you here to explore, seeker? Worried about your mental-being for yourself, or maybe a loved one, and looking for assistance? Searching for a community of people who understand? Simply curious?
The reason does not change the fact that I’m glad that you’re here – even for a moment. In this article, we are going to explore what mental well-being is, define 6 steps that you can take to begin your journey, and move you closer to soaring above your qualms. At the end, you may decide that therapy is a first step you or someone close to you may need to take.
But, first, can we do a quick breathing exercise?
It’s super simple. I’d like you to inhale deeply for 1-2-3 seconds and then exhale for 1-2-3-4-5-6 seconds, x3. On the second repetition, allow any tense muscles to relax as you exhale.
Does that sound doable?
Okay, let’s start.
Inhale through your nose. 1 – 2 – 3.
Exhale through your mouth. 1 – 2 – 3 – 4 – 5 – 6.
How was that? Did you struggle a bit? If so, that’s okay. Let’s do it again. Remember, this time, try to untense any tight muscles as you exhale. Taking a bigger intake of breath may help.
Inhale through your nose. 1 – 2 – 3.
Exhale through your mouth. 1 – 2 – 3 – 4 – 5 – 6.
Was that a little better? Did you notice anything about yourself that time? Any different results?
Okay, one more time.
Inhale through your nose. 1 – 2 – 3.
Exhale through your mouth. 1 – 2 – 3 – 4 – 5 – 6.
Great. Time to dive in.
First, let’s define mental well-being by breaking down the meaning of both words: mental and well-being.
Mental refers to the mind, or the total emotional and intellectual response a person has to the world around them.
The mind, or brain, is a part of the nervous system. The nervous system controls all the actions that occur within your body – some that you recognize and others you don’t. That means the nervous system is the boss of over 100 billion nerve cells — YOUR nerve cells — and it is comprised of two primary systems: the CNS (central nervous system; communication between spinal cord and brain) and PNS (peripheral nervous system; communication between systems outside of the brain and spinal cord).
Well-being refers to the state of harmony, comfortability, and/or health of something or someone.
Therefore, mental well-being is a measurement of how in-tune your brain is with your body and how you react to the world around you as a result, including coping with stress and realizing your capabilities as an individual.
Let’s return to the metaphor of your nervous system being an upper management boss. Do you feel like you and your nervous system have a harmonious balance? Or, is something constantly threatening a hostile takeover? How does that affect your response to outside stimuli?
Just like in any organization, communication is essential for work to be done efficiently and effectively. If you are feeling out of tune with yourself and others, you are lacking effective communication within your body.
So, what kind of boss have you been? The kind that allows anyone to push them over and abuse them and their employees? The kind that uses fear as fuel, resulting in relentless work? Or, are you absent in your organization – ignoring employee complaints because you think you have everything handled?
The most common cause for miscommunication between humans is lack of active listening. Translate that. Next time you have time to yourself, try a mindfulness meditation and see if there’s something your nervous system has been trying to tell you – a crick in the neck, a backache, a headache – and afterwards, ponder on whether the pain really just showed up during the exercise or whether you’ve been ignoring it.
If you have been ignoring it, why?
Even before that, though, I have news.
You have to take care of yourself.
I am going to tell you how by teaching you 6 Steps to Begin Your Mental Well-Being Journey. This post will be guided by the wisdom of the largest land mammal: the elephant. By drawing parallels between elephant and human behavior, we’ll uncover valuable habits that we can learn and adopt from our majestic land brethren.
Elephants are known for their deep emotional intelligence and strong social bonds, and when they are unwell—either physically or emotionally—they exhibit behaviors that can provide valuable insights for humans on a mental health journey. Here are a few habits of sick elephants and their relatable takeaways for human mental health:
Lesson One: Seeking Solitude When Needed/Getting Enough Sleep
Elephant Behavior: When an elephant is sick or injured, it may seek isolation to heal, protecting itself from predators or stress within the herd.
If this isolation is not honored, elephants are known to begin to display aggressive behavior. According to the South African National Parks website (sanparks.org), “Elephants react to threats or challenges in three different ways. Dominance or threat displays are designed to demonstrate the superior strength and social position of the individual. . .[elephants] may look towards the threat, spreading their ears out. . .raise their head and tusks high. Head-shaking and trunk-swishing can also be seen. . .[and] may run at the threat in a demonstration or real charge. Most charges are mock charges which are broken off before the target is reached. . .”. Meaning that when elephants get sick, they are nettlesome and try to ward off anyone who they cannot be sure will protect and support them.
Human Parallel: Sometimes, you may need time away from others to focus on self-care, reflect, and heal. Solitude can offer space to process emotions and regain strength without external pressures. During this time of solitude, it is important to rest. Rest selfishly and triumphantly.
Thinking back to Loxodontas (the scientific names of elephants), we learned the consequences of disturbing their alone time. If a human being displayed such self-preserving behaviors, they’d usually be categorized as a grump. Alas, I don’t know who’s going to tell the 13,000 pound elephant that it’s being grumpy but it will not be me.
So, be an elephant. Learn to say “no” to those who don’t help you heal but stress you out instead.
Need help doing that? Sign up for Online-Therapy to get personalized care and learn how to spend time with yourself to heal.
Lesson Two: Relying on the Herd/Staying Connected
Elephant Behavior: Despite seeking solitude at times, elephants also rely on their herd when they are unwell. An elephant herd – which has a matriarchal structure with the eldest – most dominant female as the leader – is usually several generations of elephants traveling together. From youth to adulthood, the care of each herd member is a group priority. During times of danger, the herd may create a circle around the youth, injured, or ill. During times of illness, the herd may care for them, bring them food, or support them emotionally. Each elephant is able to eat, sleep, play, and eat knowing they are in the care of each other.
If elephants are isolated or separated from their herd, they begin to display more aggressive behavior and a decreased social capacity. Internally, their cortisol levels begin to rise – when manifests as a loss of appetite.
Human Parallel: Generational trauma is something that individuals from every socioeconomic background can experience. Sometimes, relying on the familial system we were born into is not the best option for us.
However, just like elephants, it’s important to lean on a support system during challenging times. If family isn’t an option, friends or mental health professionals can help provide emotional and practical support when you’re struggling.
As human beings, we get caught in Lesson One and we get into the habit of warding off people who truly intend to help us. Habits are defined as a regular behavior, usually identified by the difficulty to give it up. But, why is it hard to “give up” your defenses?
The answer lies within your nervous system.
Remember the peripheral nervous system (PNS) we talked about earlier? It controls communication between parts of the body except for the spinal cord and the brain. There are two subsystems within the PNS that dictate our response to danger: the sympathetic nervous system (SNS) and the parasympathetic nervous system (PSNS). The SNS regulates fight–or-flight during dangerous situations. The PNS regulates rest-and-digest response once you’re safe. A lot of the time, these responses are helpful. For example, when a spider and I see each other in my apartment. Eight eyes on two. My flight response is perfectly responsible. And once I’m safely away from the bug the size of a penny, my heart gradually slows back to my resting heart rate. Excellent.
But, sometimes we get stuck in this state of danger response. According to The Neuroscience Feeling Safe and Connected, an article published by Psychology Today by Dianne Grande — “To the primitive nervous system, every stranger is a potential danger. . .”. The PSNS has the capability to keep us frozen in a state of constant vigilance after exposure to extreme and/or long-term danger. For many, this comes in the form of trauma from a previous life-event. However, according to Dr. Grande, since humans are no longer in the primitive stages of evolution, we have a built-in brain stem that calms us down. And what activates it? “. . . a soothing voice, see a smiling or relaxed face, and notice calm gestures. These signs became our social safety cues. . .” (Grande, 2018). Innately, our body looks for social cues from other beings to verify our safety and, therefore, properly regulate our responses.
All of this to say, connection is important when healing. Everyone deserves a safe place.
Don’t feel like you have a safe place to open up and be yourself? Sign Up today and speak to a mental health professional who can provide you with that space.
Lesson Three: Protecting the Vulnerable/Setting priorities
Elephant Behavior: As we just discussed, in the herd, elephants instinctively protect the vulnerable, including sick or young members, often forming a circle around them during times of threat. Starting from the age of 10 and surpassing the age 35, young adult to mature elephants within a herd are trained to protect each other and those younger than them (age 1 to 9) against harm.
Elephants grow rapidly from age 5 to age 15. Over the course of ten years, they learn how to transition from being protected to being the protector by watching those around them do the same thing. They learn no foreign aggressors. They learn to take in the weak and vulnerable (yes, even other species of animals). They learn to nurture inner-herd relationships. They learn empathy and gratitude.
Human Parallel: Some of us don’t start off in an environment to observe and grow in. Sometimes a good environment can turn bad. Life becomes a concept quickly and each hit feels like another dart added to the board. Words like overwhelmed, stressed, fast-paced have been used to describe life on numerous occasions. In public. In private. Outloud. Silent.
But, elephants take years to develop themselves and they are the largest land mammal in the world.
So, who said that creating boundaries and surrounding yourself with positivity would result in hindrance instead of prosperity?
The importance of setting boundaries to protect your mental health cannot be understated. Protecting yourself—especially when feeling vulnerable—from harmful environments or people is crucial during recovery.
This lesson is short and to the point. Protect your inner peace.
You were once a young elephant. Whether or not you had a herd circle to protect you as you developed no longer matters once you take your preservation into your own hands. Or, trunk. Whichever you prefer.
Don’t know how to set boundaries or where to start? Talk to someone who does.
Lesson Four: Returning to Water for Healing/Practicing Gratitude
Elephant Behavior: Sick elephants are often seen returning to water sources more frequently. Water is not only essential for survival but also serves as a cooling and healing agent for their wounds. Elephants also use mud – a mix of dirt and water – to protect their wounds against infection and foreign invaders such as worms.
Human Parallel: For humans, returning to basic, essential practices—such as drinking water, eating nourishing food, and engaging in physical activities like swimming or even soaking in a bath—can help in both physical and mental recovery. Prioritizing fundamental self-care is key to feeling better.
A lot of the time, we get overwhelmed with the negative without acknowledging the positive. A remedy is to practice gratitude. But, please, read carefully.
This is not to invoke negative internal dialogue.
Dialogue such as, “There are people worse off than me. Even though I cannot sleep, at least I have a bed. I should be grateful even though I feel awful,” because it is harmful. To yourself. As we’ve discussed, you have to listen to your body for a healthy relationship, which requires validation.
Be nice to yourself.
If you were an injured elephant going to your favorite water spot after an exhausting day, what would your thoughts be to yourself?
“I am hurt and thirsty but at least I still have my husks unlike others.”
Or,
“I am grateful that this water is still here because I live in Africa. It allows me to heal myself, inside and outside, so that I can feel better soon.”
Notice how the second statement of gratitude requires mindfulness in the moment. It focuses on what is immediately in front of our metaphorical elephant versus conjuring up a bizarre reason for gratitude that does not address what isn’t going so well. Returning to water is returning to a place of healing. Returning to a place of healing is returning to a place of hope and gratitude.
What is something you’re able to turn to consistently? An animal? A person? A topic? Even a comfort song or show will do. Once you find what it is, hold on to it, return to it when you need healing, and express gratitude for its existence. Each time you do so, a dose of happy hormones shoots into your system.
Yep. Pro bono.
Are you having trouble with finding things to be grateful for? Overwhelmed with the onslaught of negative events in your life? Talk to someone about it. Click Here.
Lesson Five: Using Memory to Guide Healing/Learning About Mental Health
Elephant Behavior: Elephants have remarkable memories, which help them navigate long journeys to find food and water, even during droughts. They can recall locations of resources that help them survive. They have a long list of places to go when they need a specific resource — and water is not the only resource they know how to use. For example, according to Sea World’s official website, elephants “help themselves in a variety of ways. Digestive diseases may be treated through fasting or through natural treatments such as consuming bitter herbs, bark, or alkaline (basic) earth. . .” (Longevity & Causes of Death, 2024). Elephants are not only able to use complex thinking to treat their ailments but they are self-aware enough to also identify when/where they need treatment.
Human Parallel: Remembering past experiences of resilience and survival can guide you through difficult times. Your mind holds memories of moments when you overcame challenges, and revisiting these can serve as a source of strength and hope in your mental health journey.
However, there is no use in picking a scab that you don’t know you can heal better the second time. It’ll cause scarring and, if further treatment is needed in the future, it will be harder to see clearly.
Speaking literally, humans have an insurmountable amount of information available to us 24/7/365 at our fingertips. Without sifting through the information that is irrelevant and identifying key bits of information that can positively assist in your healing journey, your defense system will continue to kick in when you don’t want it to. Negative responses can lead to a decline in health. A decline in health can lead to a decline in quality of life.
You see how it all starts with the tools you keep in your heart — the core of your belief system — and how well you’re able to wield them when it’s life or death?
Or, better yet, fight or flight?
Need help identifying your mental hardships so you can focus on which tools will be most beneficial? Speaking to a licensed professional can provide you with direct guidance and support. Skip WebMD telling you have cancer and dementia caused by anxiety you got from Uranus — get a personal diagnosis here.
Lesson Six: Grieving and Mourning Together/Using Coping Skills
Elephant Behavior: Elephants are known to grieve the loss of a herd member. They will stand by the deceased, touching and caressing them, and sometimes even visit the spot of their death for years.
Human Parallel:
This lesson is simple.
You are alive.
You matter.
You are not alone.
Your battle isn’t over.
In 2018, I — an angsty high-schooler with the hopes of being the next Lin-Manuel Miranda — defined death as when “[someone’s] body can no longer support their life force”.
Angsty or no, it was and is true.
Your body functions with the sole purpose of keeping you alive. And since you’re the highest executive of the company, that should be your core value, too. Right now, if you’re in a state of freeze/death mentally, your body is acting just as a grieving elephant.
Trying to keep something alive fruitlessly.
Your body doesn’t know your thoughts, it knows your actions. It doesn’t know you’re not eating because you feel fat. It knows that it hasn’t gotten adequate food sources to keep YOU running.
Many of us are grieving a loss of illusion.
The illusion that someone would stay forever.
The illusion that we had everything handled.
The illusion that our younger-selves created to explain an inexplicable world.
I can’t guess or imagine what you’re going through. I wish I had the right words to comfort you.
But, you know who does? You.
Acknowledging and processing grief is essential for healing. Like elephants, humans benefit from the support of others in navigating loss, and allowing time and space to mourn is part of emotional recovery.
Learn to cope with the cards you’ve been dealt. If you went through life without hardship and retained perfection, life wouldn’t be easier. It’d be a battle of trying to understand situations logically, when they’re meant to be experienced and felt.
Embrace your scars. Embrace your tusks. Embrace yourself. First, in a hug. Then, in appreciation.
By adopting these “elephant habits,” humans can find inspiration for steps to take on their own path toward mental wellness. Both the individual need for self-care and the strength drawn from community are valuable lessons.
Throughout this article, you may have experienced a range of emotions. That’s normal — self-exploration is not easy. It’s exhausting.
Take it from me — your new journey companion. There’s nothing like living in a constant state of sickness (mentally, physically, financially) and seeing a light at the end of the tunnel. But, to get to the end, you have to keep walking.
If at any point in this blog, you realized that you need help walking, click the link below. I want you to start your journey with the tools and resources that will skyrocket your “company” profit!
https://onlinetherapy.go2cloud.org/SHb7
I have a 20% discount to offer you to begin online sessions because I know taking the first step is harder than mental – it’s financial and physical, too.
Until next time, seeker/elephant/friend. Be kind to yourself and others. That’s how you’ll get your wings.
- Written by Ren for Aliferous (soaringfromshadows.com)
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